A stunning documentary on the exemplary detective work of an eight-year-old child prodigy.
For '90s Bolly kids like myself, life would never have been the same if it wasn’t for this particular movie. I know how to weave a friendship band. And I know you probably wanted to own a “C-O-O-L” necklace like Rahul at some point in your life, too.
![For '90s Bolly kids like myself, life would never have been the same if it wasn’t for this particular movie. I know how to weave a friendship band. And I know you probably wanted to own a “C-O-O-L” necklace like Rahul at some point in your life, too.]()
Today we’re rewinding Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, because few things feel as good as a solid kick to the childhood.
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is a beautiful story about the triumph of conformity over all else. It is a heart-touching cinematic experience which strengthens ancient beliefs — don’t be yourself, especially if you’re a woman. By the end of KKHH, one finds themselves saying “Jeet hamesha p̶y̶a̶a̶r̶ sari ki hoti hai” (L̶o̶v̶e̶ sari always wins).
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
We see a very sad Rahul standing near a burning chittha, mourning the loss of his wife, Tina, who died soon after childbirth.
![We see a very sad Rahul standing near a burning chittha, mourning the loss of his wife, Tina, who died soon after childbirth.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Tina left eight letters for her newborn daughter and asked Rahul’s mum to give one letter to her on each of her eight birthdays.
![Tina left eight letters for her newborn daughter and asked Rahul’s mum to give one letter to her on each of her eight birthdays.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
We are fast-forwarded into Mumbai eight years later. Rahul and Tina’s daughter Anjali has grown to be a total doll. A beautiful Cabbage Patch Kid doll.
![We are fast-forwarded into Mumbai eight years later. Rahul and Tina’s daughter Anjali has grown to be a total doll. A beautiful Cabbage Patch Kid doll.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Anjali and daddy are very close. She has to help him do everything – shop for his clothes, remind him to take his meds, invest an unfair amount of emotional labour into him.
![Anjali and daddy are very close. She has to help him do everything – shop for his clothes, remind him to take his meds, invest an unfair amount of emotional labour into him.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Daadi (Rahul’s mum) is a religious woman. She often delivers religious sermons on bringing up children to women in the neighbourhood.
![Daadi (Rahul’s mum) is a religious woman. She often delivers religious sermons on bringing up children to women in the neighbourhood.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Kid is kind of annoying but no one says anything to her because she is motherless. Everyday things remind this poor child of her motherlessness. One day at a junior talent show in school, THIS happens.
![Kid is kind of annoying but no one says anything to her because she is motherless. Everyday things remind this poor child of her motherlessness. One day at a junior talent show in school, THIS happens.]()
#AllMyFeels…..
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Anjali’s eighth birthday arrives and she finally gets to read the last letter her mum wrote to her.
![Anjali’s eighth birthday arrives and she finally gets to read the last letter her mum wrote to her.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
We are taken back in time, to the life of a young college-going Rahul Khanna and his annoying best friend with severe internalised misogyny, Anjali Sharma. Imagine dealing with this every morning.
![We are taken back in time, to the life of a young college-going Rahul Khanna and his annoying best friend with severe internalised misogyny, Anjali Sharma. Imagine dealing with this every morning.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
They’re practically always fighting. Anjali fucking DETESTS being a girl. She gets quite pissed if you remind her she is one. Actually, she’s pretty much always pissed and they're both roasting each other in a perennial barbecue.
![They’re practically always fighting. Anjali fucking DETESTS being a girl. She gets quite pissed if you remind her she is one. Actually, she’s pretty much always pissed and they're both roasting each other in a perennial barbecue.]()
This is not even her final form, guys.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
The amount of shit St. Xavier’s College gives about Rahul and Anjali’s fights is enough to grow an entire healthy forest. If only all this time and energy was invested preparing for a test, these guys would have jobs in the future.
![The amount of shit St. Xavier’s College gives about Rahul and Anjali’s fights is enough to grow an entire healthy forest. If only all this time and energy was invested preparing for a test, these guys would have jobs in the future.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Seriously, why the fuck are these guys so excited? What is so exciting about this, please explain.
![Seriously, why the fuck are these guys so excited? What is so exciting about this, please explain.]()
Rahul and Anjali have trouble functioning without each other, despite not being able to stand each other.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Next we meet Riffat Bee, who is Anjali’s… caretaker? I don’t know but she looks after a bunch of girls and she’s the only person who knows wassup.
![Next we meet Riffat Bee, who is Anjali’s… caretaker? I don’t know but she looks after a bunch of girls and she’s the only person who knows wassup.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
And after this, we meet potential rape apologist and college principal, Mr. Malhotra, who firmly believes girls wear short skirts to excite men.
![And after this, we meet potential rape apologist and college principal, Mr. Malhotra, who firmly believes girls wear short skirts to excite men.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Mr. Malhotra’s daughter Tina (Rani Mukherjee) has arrived from London. She quit Oxford to join St. Xavier’s College in India. Yup. Brilliant decision. Exactly why you shouldn’t be at Oxford.
![Mr. Malhotra’s daughter Tina (Rani Mukherjee) has arrived from London. She quit Oxford to join St. Xavier’s College in India. Yup. Brilliant decision. Exactly why you shouldn’t be at Oxford.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Rahul is struck by Tina’s beauty, but the narrow-minded misogynist shitnugget in him is standing in the way.
![Rahul is struck by Tina’s beauty, but the narrow-minded misogynist shitnugget in him is standing in the way.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
But soon, Tina proves her mettle and qualifies as sanskaari bahu/biwi material.
![But soon, Tina proves her mettle and qualifies as sanskaari bahu/biwi material.]()
A hymn is a surefire way to win most desis’ hearts.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
In English class, a little bit of inefficient hinting on Rahul’s part leads to this massive misunderstanding.
![In English class, a little bit of inefficient hinting on Rahul’s part leads to this massive misunderstanding.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Lots of our favourite songs happen while strengthening this misconception further.
![Lots of our favourite songs happen while strengthening this misconception further.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Rahul and Tina’s love is blooming. Anjali is as relevant as stick-on nails on a rabbit.
![Rahul and Tina’s love is blooming. Anjali is as relevant as stick-on nails on a rabbit.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Anjali begins to get overly possessive about Rahul. Her realness ain’t shit compared to Tina’s sanskaar-skirt combo.
![Anjali begins to get overly possessive about Rahul. Her realness ain’t shit compared to Tina’s sanskaar-skirt combo.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
As you would expect, Anjali’s attempts to become Rahul’s main squeeze go in vain. Dressing up girly, trying to be nice — nothing works. She’s always the pichhwaada of all jokes and is forever going to be in the bro zone*.
![As you would expect, Anjali’s attempts to become Rahul’s main squeeze go in vain. Dressing up girly, trying to be nice — nothing works. She’s always the pichhwaada of all jokes and is forever going to be in the bro zone*.]()
*The bro zone is not the friend zone by any means. It's when your male friend treats you like you're "one of the boys" and gets too comfortable. He cracks all the misogynistic jokes he cracks with his bros in front of you.
Anyway, heartbroken to see Rahul and Tina in love, Anjali decides to leave the college and go to another city, back to her family. Been there before, that shit does make you want to move to another city.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
90 minutes of film later, Anjali gets done with reading her mum’s letter. She’s eight. Ordinarily, she'd struggle with reading the McDonald's menu, but this is Bollywood so she can read her mother's novel ass letter.
![90 minutes of film later, Anjali gets done with reading her mum’s letter. She’s eight. Ordinarily, she'd struggle with reading the McDonald's menu, but this is Bollywood so she can read her mother's novel ass letter.]()
Of course her mum Tina hasn’t taken into consideration that it has been EIGHT FUCKING YEARS. Anjali is probably married and has three kids. Or she’s dead. Or has moved to Vegas. But oh well.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Little Anjali asks her dad about his college BFF Anjali and he tells her what she was like.
![Little Anjali asks her dad about his college BFF Anjali and he tells her what she was like.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Anjali Sharma has finally turned into everything society wants a woman to be. By defeating her actual sporty personality after years of struggle, she is perfect bahu material. But UH OH. WHO'S THIS AMAN? THIS TWATWAFFLE SHE'S MARRYING?
![Anjali Sharma has finally turned into everything society wants a woman to be. By defeating her actual sporty personality after years of struggle, she is perfect bahu material. But UH OH. WHO'S THIS AMAN? THIS TWATWAFFLE SHE'S MARRYING?]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Meanwhile, little Anjali and her grandparents are trying to trace big Anjali. From school records to going to Riffat Bee, they try everything.
When they reach Riffat Bee’s house, she’s obviously praying because believe it or not, that is all us Muslims do in films and IRL.
![Meanwhile, little Anjali and her grandparents are trying to trace big Anjali. From school records to going to Riffat Bee, they try everything.
When they reach Riffat Bee’s house, she’s obviously praying because believe it or not, that is all us Muslims do in films and IRL.]()
How else will the world know Riffat Bee is Muslim?
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
In Bollywood, aunties pray on a ja-namaz, and uncles (often called Kareem Chacha) wear skullcaps and hold rosaries for fashion.
Luckily, Riffat Bee tells them where Anjali lives and that she’s getting married in a week. But then Little Anjali begins to pray and somehow, Big Anjali’s wedding is delayed till December.
![In Bollywood, aunties pray on a ja-namaz, and uncles (often called Kareem Chacha) wear skullcaps and hold rosaries for fashion.
Luckily, Riffat Bee tells them where Anjali lives and that she’s getting married in a week. But then Little Anjali begins to pray and somehow, Big Anjali’s wedding is delayed till December.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Not only is the wedding delayed but we also find out Big Anjali is considering this entire thing a compromise and isn’t in love with Aman.
![Not only is the wedding delayed but we also find out Big Anjali is considering this entire thing a compromise and isn’t in love with Aman.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Meanwhile, Rahul and Aman bump into each other at a conference over a “Anjali calling” mix-up at the hotel’s reception. And Aman’s just… weird. This is not how you start a conversation.
![Meanwhile, Rahul and Aman bump into each other at a conference over a “Anjali calling” mix-up at the hotel’s reception. And Aman’s just… weird. This is not how you start a conversation.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Anjali meets Anjali at summer camp. Creep that she is, the kid doesn’t spare a minute before freaking out her teacher.
![Anjali meets Anjali at summer camp. Creep that she is, the kid doesn’t spare a minute before freaking out her teacher.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Through a live TV show where “love messages” are being sent out, Big Anjali realises Little Anjali is Rahul and Tina’s daughter. She also misses another huuuge ass misconception by a hair.
![Through a live TV show where “love messages” are being sent out, Big Anjali realises Little Anjali is Rahul and Tina’s daughter. She also misses another huuuge ass misconception by a hair.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Little Anjali fakes being ill, making concerned father Rahul catch the first flight/truck/train to Shimla. He sees Anjali at the summer camp… Big Anjali. #HawtDamn
![Little Anjali fakes being ill, making concerned father Rahul catch the first flight/truck/train to Shimla. He sees Anjali at the summer camp… Big Anjali. #HawtDamn]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
A few days later, Rahul’s male superiority complex kicks in again and he declares that women cannot play basketball, thereby earning a basketball match with Anjali.
![A few days later, Rahul’s male superiority complex kicks in again and he declares that women cannot play basketball, thereby earning a basketball match with Anjali.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
They both cheat a little and Anjali loses.
![They both cheat a little and Anjali loses.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
And soon, they start getting attracted to each other. By “soon”, I mean over one three-minute song.
![And soon, they start getting attracted to each other. By “soon”, I mean over one three-minute song.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Hell, things even get kind of steamy on rainy night.
![Hell, things even get kind of steamy on rainy night.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
In the middle of their mating dance, Anjali realises she’s engaged and runs into the woods crying. You know, because that is the right thing to do. There, she confesses her love for Rahul to… herself. Or this tree.
![In the middle of their mating dance, Anjali realises she’s engaged and runs into the woods crying. You know, because that is the right thing to do. There, she confesses her love for Rahul to… herself. Or this tree.]()
I have a few questions at this point. How did this Rottweiler get here? No, not to Shimla, I mean this particular tree in the middle of the woods. Is this man a dog? How do you trace a person clung to a tree in the woods on a rainy dark night?
Also, why did he not ask WTF Anjali was doing confessing her love to a tree? Why would you say “I love you too” to her unless you are this tree?
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Even on other notes, Aman is beyond annoying and scary. He often gives you those “I love you but may kill one day” vibes. And I think he’s drunk most of the time.
![Even on other notes, Aman is beyond annoying and scary. He often gives you those “I love you but may kill one day” vibes. And I think he’s drunk most of the time.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Mind you, Rahul is shady as fuck also. Upon discovering Aman is Anjali’s fiancé, dude totally acts like nothing happened the previous night.
![Mind you, Rahul is shady as fuck also. Upon discovering Aman is Anjali’s fiancé, dude totally acts like nothing happened the previous night.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Little Anjali tries everything she can to stop this union from happening.
![Little Anjali tries everything she can to stop this union from happening.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Everyone’s tricks fail and Anjali leaves the camp early, looking forward to her wedding. Even the quiet Sikh kid who is always counting stars can’t stop her. Yes, that one kid who came to camp to get sky fuckin’ high, clearly.
![Everyone’s tricks fail and Anjali leaves the camp early, looking forward to her wedding. Even the quiet Sikh kid who is always counting stars can’t stop her. Yes, that one kid who came to camp to get sky fuckin’ high, clearly.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Rahul gives Anjali a red dupatta she once gave to Tina.
![Rahul gives Anjali a red dupatta she once gave to Tina.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Anjali goes home and insists on getting married as soon as possible. But Rahul has not entirely given up, so he and his family go to Anjali’s wedding, only to do this. What a tease.
![Anjali goes home and insists on getting married as soon as possible. But Rahul has not entirely given up, so he and his family go to Anjali’s wedding, only to do this. What a tease.]()
Forget everything. May I ask where the fuck this balcony is? Tower of The Skies? Why is there an unnerving number of stars in the sky? Was this wedding held on Hubble’s lense? Questions questions, no answers.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Now that Rahul and his uninvited family have officially stunk up this bhalli changi wedding — with Anjali crying, her mum getting uncomfortable, and Aman getting mad suspicious — these bitches decide it is okay to leave.
![Now that Rahul and his uninvited family have officially stunk up this bhalli changi wedding — with Anjali crying, her mum getting uncomfortable, and Aman getting mad suspicious — these bitches decide it is okay to leave.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Aman, who can sense what is wrong (as can everyone at the wedding) gets up, grabs Anjali by the arm and tells her what she should do. She makes an assessment.
![Aman, who can sense what is wrong (as can everyone at the wedding) gets up, grabs Anjali by the arm and tells her what she should do. She makes an assessment.]()
OMG DUH. I would pick Rahul in a blink too. SOOO CUTE. So what if it took eight years, a daughter, lots of saris, lots of makeup, Tina’s death, a destroyed wedding and a forced meeting for him to realise he was in love with me?
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Also, Aman’s sense of humour, my god, ew. Who cares if he’s nice enough to sacrifice everything for Anjali’s happiness? I’d rather he marry that basketball he was eyeing earlier.
![Also, Aman’s sense of humour, my god, ew. Who cares if he’s nice enough to sacrifice everything for Anjali’s happiness? I’d rather he marry that basketball he was eyeing earlier.]()
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Always remember: Anjali, an eight-year-old, somehow managed to reunited her dad with his college friend on the instructions of her dead mother; something Sir Isaac Newton is yet to achieve.
![Always remember: Anjali, an eight-year-old, somehow managed to reunited her dad with his college friend on the instructions of her dead mother; something Sir Isaac Newton is yet to achieve.]()
A blunt-bang having, tooth-missing icon. A child prodigy detective.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Now let's talk about the ~Morals Of The Story~ like we always do...
![Now let's talk about the ~Morals Of The Story~ like we always do...]()
– Wear saris. Saris are fuckin' rad, boys love that shit. And we live for boys.
– No skirts for good girls unless you can pair them up with a hymn. #summercollection
– Pick Shah Rukh, always.
– Don’t write long letters to 8-year-olds. In fact, avoid interacting with children at all costs.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
LINK: An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Main Hoon Na"
LINK: An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Main Hoon Na"
LINK: An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Mujhse Dosti Karoge"
