I’m guilty of it. You’re guilty of it. Let’s work on it together.
Real talk: We, as women, have consciously or ignorantly judged, slut-shamed, discouraged, or stereotyped other women over the course of our lives.
The teen years were a particularly ignorant time for a lot of us from a feminist point of view.
But even now, while a lot of us (including myself) identify as feminists and genuinely believe in the encouragement, protection, and freedom of women, we sometimes tend to display a form of misogyny without realising it — internalised misogyny towards our mothers.
Dharma
And I've been taking notice of the shitty things I do, have done in the past, and have seen my friends doing, that are forms of internalised misogyny, which our brains "allow" because we do it all in the comfort of our homes. Let's take a look at some common situations and work on them together:
YRF
When you compare her to your friends' moms.
I had an awful habit as a teenager where I would come home from a friend's house and tell my mother how great the friend's mom was, and how "cool" she was, and how much she did for us. How she spoke to us so impressively, and understood the workings of the world better. I would sometimes imply (and other times, outrightly tell her) that she needs to up her game. Because my friend's mom seemed "more educated" or more "well-spoken".
There is no one particular kind of ideal mom.
Dhrupad
When you expect only her to cook, as if cooking at home is her job.
Working or stay-at-home, it isn't your mother's "job" to cook for you and the rest of the family. You cannot get angry at her because she hasn't cooked. It is not her job as the woman of the household. Help her with her chores, and help around the house in general now that you've grown up.
Gender roles are not just for you to defy. Your mom should be able to un-adhere to them too.
Eros International / Via desimartini.com